Tips on Depression
Every illness can lead to depression. It may also be that the depression itself can cause another illness. Depression may occur with chronic illness or some other mental disorder, such as OCD, psychosis, personality disorders, bi-polar or other illness.
Very often, relatives fail to appreciate the suffering of a depressed person. So you must understand that depression is a serious illness. Don’t be a know-it-all and say things to the patient like “Come one, get up”, “You’re so lazy!” “Why are you making such a fuss? Come on, get up and have a shower.” “Everyone has bad moods”. “You’re so spoilt.” You must understand that depression kills off energy; it makes one lethargic; it kills all motivation for working or making something of oneself; it smothers every feeling of health and happiness. You must always avoid criticizing.
As a family caregiver, it is important you realise that the family is the focus of all support and treatment for the patient. Everyone speaks of the beauty of family unity and the support it gives in difficult circumstances. On the other hand, there is sorrow and heartbreak when we do not get the necessary help and support from our family. You must realise that, if you get little help from the rest of the family, there are professionals and organisations that can be your second family; there’s no need to be discouraged.
Here are some other practical suggestions:
Very often, relatives fail to appreciate the suffering of a depressed person. So you must understand that depression is a serious illness. Don’t be a know-it-all and say things to the patient like “Come one, get up”, “You’re so lazy!” “Why are you making such a fuss? Come on, get up and have a shower.” “Everyone has bad moods”. “You’re so spoilt.” You must understand that depression kills off energy; it makes one lethargic; it kills all motivation for working or making something of oneself; it smothers every feeling of health and happiness. You must always avoid criticizing.
As a family caregiver, it is important you realise that the family is the focus of all support and treatment for the patient. Everyone speaks of the beauty of family unity and the support it gives in difficult circumstances. On the other hand, there is sorrow and heartbreak when we do not get the necessary help and support from our family. You must realise that, if you get little help from the rest of the family, there are professionals and organisations that can be your second family; there’s no need to be discouraged.
Here are some other practical suggestions:
- Accept that your relative is suffering from depression.
- Understand that your relative is ill. Empathise and show that you understand that he/she is truly ill and that the illness is making him/her unable to cope.
- Show clearly that you are there for him/her for whatever he/she needs.
- Gently help the patient to agree to seek help and help to make appointments and go with him/her if you are asked.
- Look for more information on the illness. Research appropriate books before you buy any. Speak to professionals and ask them about the authenticity of the author and contents.
- Speak to a professional and continue every time you feel it necessary – it is your right and obligation towards the patient. It’s ok to seek another opinion.
- Encourage the patient to create some structure in his/her life by making a small, manageable plan, so that he/she can do some work at home. Do this lovingly, with kind words.
- Continue to hope and encourage hope. Remember that the majority of depression patients recover. Those that do not recover completely can be much better. Continue to seek help.
- Don’t nag the patient, he may be bothered and start to hate the treatment. You should only say: “This is a treatment. You must have the treatment in order to cure the depression, although it is a hard road.” That’s all!
- Unfortunately, many of us tend to commiserate with words that do not transform into assistance; we use empty words that may further depress and anger the patient. So listen and sympathise. You should not console the patient. Stay close, so that the patient can speak to you openly. Stop whatever you are doing and listen!
- Remember that, when the patient expresses pessimism, anger, frustration and unhappiness, it is the illness that is speaking, not the patient.
- Don’t be offended when the patient tells you “You don’t understand me!” Your reply should be “I know, you are right.” Or: “It’s true that I may not understand exactly what you are going through and what you are feeling. But I am here to help you.” If you contradict him/her, you will only increase the patient’s frustration.
- Don’t patronise the patient. You should not take charge of everything and make him/her feel worse. Don’t overprotect because this is not helpful. Neither should you take over his/life and do everything yourself. That is not help. It would be better to say: “When you are better, you decide. I will support you.”
- You can ask the patient to do something with you; regular walking helps on the road to recovery and reduces the symptoms.
- Don’t expect big improvements. Recovery doesn’t happen overnight.
- Prepare nutritious and light meals.
- Behave gently and lovingly!
- You could suggest that the patient joins a self-help group. Talking about his/her feelings and situations will help on the road to recovery.